Well, I missed Mother’s Day while I was on my cruise (and, yes, I’ll be paying for that for awhile!), but I can still honour her by posting some of my favourite ‘Mom’ quotes.

Image by Tjflex2 via Flickr

Fair warning – I like sarcastic and funny a lot more than I like sentimental, so you won’t find a lot of sucky stuff here.

• My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it – Mark Twain
• To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power – Maya Angelou
• All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his – Oscar Wilde
• Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn’t want your mother to hear at your trial – Sydney Biddle Barrows
• The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother – W. C. Fields
• The phrase “working mother” is redundant – Jane Sellman
• God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers
• Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother’s love is not – James Joyce
• A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother
• Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly – Ambrose Bierce
• An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy
• If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? – Milton Berle
• They joys of motherhood are never fully experienced until the children are in bed.
• Every mother is like Moses. She does not enter the promised land. She prepares a world she will not see – Pope Paul VI
• The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant — and let the air out of the tires – Dorothy Parker
• The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old – Jean Kerr
• Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you’re feeling festive? – Roseanne Barr
• Families with babies and families without are so sorry for each other – Ed Howe
• The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found – Calvin Trillin
• Motherhood cannot finally be delegated. Breast-feeding may succumb to the bottle; cuddling, fondling, and paediatric visits may also be done by fathers…but when a child needs a mother to talk to, nobody else but a mother will do – Erica Jong
• A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest

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